theblackmorals: (Default)
Chapter one

Bands: AnCafe/Antique Cafe.
Characters: Bou, Teruki and mentions of others.
Rating: NC-17.
Genre/type: Canon, adultfic, angstfic, erotica, vignette, one-shot.
Warnings: Yaoi/homosexuality/slash, NC17, lemon/explicit sex, sexual situations, consensual, angst (hurt/comfort).

Information about Bou here.
Information about Teruki here.
Information about AnCafe here.
'Broken Strings' archive page here.

Relative time in play: Around 2008, approx. one year after Bou left AnCafe, just before their hiatus.
Relations: Not related to any other plays of mine.

Then something caught hold of him, what he didn’t know, and Bou gazed across the room, his onyx eyes landing on the black-and-white photograph which stood neatly framed upon his dresser; they were all there, as always; Teruki, Kanon and Miku, all smiling back at him in a picture of perfect happiness…

Happiness that had once been his, too.


Author's note:
Just to avoid any confusion; the parts written in italic (like this ) are supposed to be text messages read off a cell phone, and the parts written in italic and framed by 's (like 'this' ) are supposed to be Bou's thoughts.


Where are you now?


Where are you now?


Where are you now?


Bou sighed softly and read the message again; Germany. Teruki was in Germany this time…

He shook his head softly in the next second, making platinum blonde strands of silky hair dance across his angelic face before he dumped the pink cell phone down on the bed. Then something caught hold of him, what he didn’t know, and he gazed across the room, his onyx eyes landing on the black-and-white photograph which stood neatly framed upon his dresser; they were all there, as always; Teruki, Kanon and Miku, all smiling back at him in a picture of perfect happiness…

Happiness that had once been his, too.

‘It’s my own fault…’

Bou kept back a tearful sigh of utter despair when he could no longer force himself to look at it, to look at their familiar, ever-smiling faces, and then he threw himself down on the bed, burying his nose in the soft pillow which smelled of lavender-fragranced detergent.

‘Every day…’

‘Being miserable and alone…’

‘It’s my own fault…’

When Bou had left his band only a year earlier he had been sure it had been the right thing to do; there were a lot of reasons why he had chosen to leave, many he had never even disclosed to anyone else but Teruki, but the main reason had been his parents.

Bou had always been a disappointment to his family; dropping out of school at an early age to pursue the unstable life of a musician, dyeing his hair and wearing makeup and dresses, and when his father had suddenly fallen ill, and thus had become unable to continuously support his mother and sisters, or even pay for his own medical treatment, Bou knew he had to come home.

It had been the right thing to do.

'They needed me...'

Still… that wasn’t the whole story; Bou had actually known for some time before his father’s illness that being a part of AnCafe - however much he loved his friends, his fans and his music - was not a part of his destiny, but he had continuously put off dealing with this troubling realization; pushed it into the back of his mind, busied himself to forget because it had been easier that way.

‘I was happy…’

‘I was so happy…’

It had been so easy to forget, to just go through the motions and live life to the fullest as they toured and made the music they all loved so much, as their fame grew and the dream only seemed to expand on and on. And then suddenly… it was just time; time to leave AnCafe; to leave his fans, his friends and his lover. There had been no doubt, and no hesitation, only sadness for those he had left behind.


Or, as he couldn’t help but think of it now; those who had left him behind...

Where are you now?


Where are you now?

The States.

And now suddenly… there was doubt.

Leaving AnCafe…

Leaving his fans…

His friends…

His lover…

Had it really been the right thing to do?

‘I don’t know anymore…’

‘I don’t know…’

Bou’s family was finally happy though; his father was getting better with every day that passed, on account of the radiation and medication, and his mother and sisters were well provided for, too. Bou did everything he was supposed to do, everything that was expected of him; he worked a steady eight to ten job, weekends too, holidays too, and he was no longer a disappointment to anyone. He was, as expected of the eldest - and only - son, now the breadwinner of the family; the prodigal son returned.

And he was unhappy.

More unhappy than he had ever been in his entire life.

‘I miss them…’

‘All of them…’

Since that last legendary concert where he had cried his eyes out on stage, where he had finally said his goodbyes to his old life, Bou had barely seen his friends at all. Miku, Kanon - even Teruki, his best friend and lover - they were all so busy touring, nationally and internationally, so busy with photo shoots and interviews and all those things Bou had turned his back on. His departure hadn’t slowed them down, not even for a second, and though he didn’t want to - though he knew he had no reason to - he resented them for that, just a little bit. He was bitter because of that, just a little bit.

No… he was a disappointment…

To himself.

‘I was the one who left them…’

‘They begged me to stay, and I left…’

Bou was barely able to drag himself up the last flight of the winding stairs, his legs weighing down like pure lead beneath him, and when he finally reached the fourth floor, and the front door of his lousy, one-bedroom apartment, he was out of breath, wheezing and trembling in exhaustion, and something inside his chest hurt in the most worrisome way.


It was almost midnight, and he was just coming home from another fourteen-hour shift at work.

Where are you now?


Bou had barely read the reply before he had thrown the small device across the room, making it hit the wall with a pitiful sound of metallic defeat, and he clawed at the silk tie wrapped around his neck like a noose, tearing it off in a fit of unfounded anger. Then he shook his head at himself, at what he had done, at what he had become, just as a river of salt tears leaked from his beautiful eyes and tickled down his rounded, flushed cheeks; making the few blonde strands of bleached hair which had gotten loose from his pony tail stick to his marble skin.


'I'm so alone...'


Bou cried freely then, as he did almost every night, knowing that no one would be able to hear him through the thick concrete walls of his unfeeling solitude. No one would have cared anyway.

Where are you now?


Where are you now?


“You never smile anymore.” his youngest sister told him nonchalantly one summer afternoon as she passed him in the kitchen of their childhood home; she didn’t wait for a reply to her solemn observation, or even turned to look at him, but continued on her way to the refrigerator to retrieve a bottle of water for their father who, that day, felt too weak to get out of bed at all.

She was gone again within a minute, the sound of her footsteps echoing through the small, ramshackled house.

‘I don’t…’

Bou didn’t have an answer for her anyway, had she stopped. What did he have to smile about anymore, anyway? - The man he loved was thousands of miles away, concurring the world, and he was there, in the kitchen of his childhood home, waiting for his mother to return from the garden so he could discreetly slip her the envelope filled with the money he had made working himself to the brink of exhaustion...

His mother would act shocked when he gave it to her, when she opened it and saw the bundle of green, and she would tell him they couldn’t accept it. He would then plead with her to take it; plead and beg, and then in the end she would; she would thank him, tell him they would pay him back - someday. A single tear would even escape the corner of her eye, theatrically, and she would hug him too, awkwardly and quickly, maybe even give him a stoic peck on the cheek with her dried lips.

It was the same dance every time, every month come payday.

Where are you now?


And Bou was falling apart.

Next Chapter

Please leave a comment and make me happy~ ヽ(*´ω`)ノ゚ ♥

So, this a one-shot (/the beginning) of Bou and Teruki’s story. It’s pretty angsty, I know, but… yeah…

I decided to change this into a one-shot instead a four-chapter story. Although I already know what I want to write for the rest of their story (don't worry, I will write it out for you~), and have actually already written the second chapter already, I want to give this chapter a chance to stand alone because it's very special to me ♥ It contains everything I wanted of this story, what inspired me to write it in the first place, and I came to realize that it would be a shame to link more chapters unto it and ruin the feeling of this chapter alone.

Once I finished writing out the rest of the story I will add it as a sequel to this, which is why I didn't change the NC17 (explicit sex) warnings etc.

OBS: The countries mentioned in this are taken from their actual 2008-2009 world tours (since I felt it would make it more realistic/believable), though there might be a little discrepancy in time since their world tours were in fact fairly short, and I’ve made it seem like a lot more time went by in between the text messages from Teruki. Just FYI(^^;)


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September 2013

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