About Me

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            People who cry aren't weak
                            They are just people who've stayed strong for too long
                                  
          Some of us laugh, some of us cry
                          Some of us smoke, some of us lie
                                        But it's all just the way that we cope with our lives...


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My name is Ruka/Louisa (formerly of LJ-users 'Passionminds' and 'Passionmindspro')~


『 More coming later~ 』


If you're interested in being friendly please feel free to contact me, either here or in an email~ I wouldn't mind new friends with similar interests, and I'm always looking for new RP partners, too ^____^

Contact information:
theblackmorals@gmail.com

And I'm also on Tumblr now, which you can find here.

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Fanfiction Archive

Fics

Reality-based (fictional) works, in alphabetical order by story title/status.

Click here for an overview in alphabetical order by band name.

Currently uploading
→ Heaven Bound (featuring: Alice Nine)
→ Not just another Sunday Morning (featuring: Royz)
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Future uploads
→ A Wonderful Day (featuring: AnCafe/Antique Cafe)
→ Fallen From Grace (featuring: Alice Nine)
→ Personal Heaven (featuring: Alice Nine)
→ Tricks of the Tricked (featuring: Alice Nine)
→ What the Heart Wants (featuring: D'espairsRay)
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Complete / Finished
→ Breathlessly (featuring: Sulfuric Acid, Versailles)
→ Broken Strings (featuring: AnCafe/Antique Cafe)
→ Homecoming (featuring: SHINee)
→ Imprints of Love (featuring: SHINee)
→ Insatiable (featuring: SHINee, VIXX)
→ Just another Sunday Morning (featuring: Royz)
→ Love is Not Blind (featuring: SHINee)
→ Somebody's Me (featuring: the GazettE)
→ Strange Relationship (featuring: 12012)
→ The Way I'm Loving You (featuring: Girugämesh, D)
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Disclaimer:
I don't own any of the people named in my fics. I use fractions of reality-based facts, such as names, personality traits, real events and so on, but everything else is pure fiction made up by my twisted mind (*゜▽゜)ノ゛




OOC/AU fics

Reality-based (fictional) works, in alphabetical order by story title/status.

Click here for an overview in alphabetical order by band name.

Currently uploading
→


Future uploads
→
→


Complete / Finished
→
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Disclaimer:
I don't own any of the people named in my fics. I use fractions of reality-based facts, such as names, personality traits, real events and so on, but everything else is pure fiction made up by my twisted mind (*゜▽゜)ノ゛

Warnings

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I write about the things, themes and people I love, which means that virtually all of my fics contain Japanese celebrities (male) having very explicit homosexual sex~ Sometimes my stories might get a bit porn-ish, too, but I do try to keep them as realistic as possible most of the time, and I include things (such as details about prepping, pain etc.) which I find is not always included in fictional works, merely because I like and appreciate the realism of it all. The more realistic the better, as far as I'm concerned.

In regards to themes I often write about (soft as well as heavy) sadomasochism. Even when I don't mean to write about it my sex scenes tend to go in that direction anyway^^; Obviously it's something I'm very interested in, and I also think I have enough experience with it to feel like I know how to describe the feelings and sensations within sadomasochism. That said, some of my characters are much more extreme and hardcore than I am and could ever be (which is why they're classified as fictional after all~). I have, for instance, never been involved in any kind of bloodplay, so fics featuring bloodplay and the likes are written without any actual experience with it^^; I do my best though, when describing something I only have secondhand knowledge of~

Furthermore, any warnings you can think of in relations to NC-17-rated fics centered around explicit homosexual sex probably apply to my fics in general^^; I like to play with different themes, and write about things that interest me, especially wide ranges of mentality, personality traits and sexual deviation. Mostly reoccurring themes are: sadomasochism, voyeurism and exhibitionism, sexuality and sexual identity, and general (sexual) deviation. The only things that I probably won't ever write about are: character death, rape and various forms of extreme deviant sexual practices which I just don't find sexy (such as, for example, scat>.<;).

That said, I do take suggestions, so please feel free to suggest a theme or something else you'd like to see included in a fic (contact details are under the "About Me"-section^^)~

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★☆ Enjoy ^~^ ☆★

Any Other World, chapter one

                                      Dedication:

                                   For the one I love

               Because you make all my dreams come true
                           Because you love me better
                      than I ever dreamt it was possible
                                     This is for you
                                     My inspiration
                                     My soul mate
                                 The love of my life.




Chapter one
The First Meeting
 
The black arm of the office clock had barely moved since the last time he had looked up at it, maybe it hadn’t even moved at all, and Shinji sighed in both annoyance and apprehension.
They were like a bad penny showing up time and time again, lurking, waiting like a sleeping beast for when he was least guarded, and once the thoughts had crept out from the darkness and into the light he couldn’t push away from them or redirect his focus onto something else.
Shinji had known, when the memories first had emerged after so many years of dormant slumber, that it was a game he was bound to lose. He couldn’t deny them once they were there again, he didn’t have the strength to forget them a second time, and… some part of him didn’t want to either…
It wasn’t exactly bad memories…
And his life wasn’t exactly exciting enough to hold his focus…
Shinji sat back in the comfortable chair of his secluded office, the tight leather squeaking beneath his movements, and he closed his tired eyes, rubbing his aching temples with his fingertips as he gave up on trying to banish the persistent thoughts. An image, blurred by the many years which had passed, appeared before his closed eyelids and in the distance he could hear a boy laughing. It was just a soft laughter, gentle and endearing, nothing more than that really and yet it was enough to make his heart leap with joy and his body tense up. His toes curled inside the confinements of his expensive Italian shoes –
He set off with his feet on the floor and pushed, making himself spin around slowly in the chair, and he opened his eyes to look out of the great glass window at the busy town of downtown Tōkyō.
Sitting twelve stories up, Shinji was only able to see other tall buildings which looked exactly the same as his own as there was barely a breath’s space between them. It didn’t matter though; the effect was there. His heart leapt from the happiness of the memory and out of the window, into the bustling streets below, through the crowds of busy people, over the city limits and well on its way. He felt the keen knife of longing cut through him with a pain which was as pleasurable as it was cruel.
If only they could meet again…
 
Shinji had been a popular boy in his teens. He had been taller than most boys of his age, slender in build like an athlete though he never cared to work out, with the slight glimmer of the feminine beauty that girls loved on boys. His cupid’s bow was formed like a perfect heart and his lower lip was plump and round like a woman’s, something he had inherited from his late mother, and his hair had been shoulder-long and slightly curled by the ends.
Still he had never thought much of the attention he had been given by the opposite sex. Rather had he always seemed to cherish the attention he was given by the same sex more, to such a point that it had become an obsession to get noticed and praised by any man he encountered…
It hadn’t been until Akihito had showed up that he had really understood why that was, though.
They had met in the chess club of their high school. Shinji had been the undefeated champion of the club and by then he barely bothered to play any of the other boys. He always won and, however much he loved the moment of victory when he slay his opponent’s defenses and went for the kill that brought him such glory and admiration, he had grown weary of playing against them. Sitting in the corner of the class room with his pack of followers around him who talked cheerily amongst themselves, he sulked at his boredom.
It was yet another early spring day, tinted in yellow and the first bird song of the year, and Shinji had just decided to get up and sneak out for an illicit smoke when an unfamiliar boy walked into the room and stole his attention away like a red dot would on a white canvas.
The boy was beautiful in a way Shinji could never be. Where Shinji had some notion of feminine beauty, this boy was fully made of it; if he had had long hair, Shinji might just have thought he really were a young, beautiful girl…
However, his hair was short, cut up in the sides and in the back in a haircut which looked almost foreign in origin, and his bangs were long and hanging into his eyes haphazardly.
His features were smooth and pure by the standards of both men and women; his ears were protruding cutely and childlike in a way that seemed only enhanced by his short haircut and his nose was ever so gently crooked in a way that made it look longer by the back rather than broken.
That wasn’t what really stole Shinji’s attention though…
His skin was marble white, greatly contrasted by his hair which was jet black in a way that almost made him look Chinese in origin. Just as his hair, his eyes were equally black and contrasting against his milky complexion and though they were slightly too closely placed together, which made him seem almost cross-eyed, it just added to his beauty. Shinji found his own slightly lighter colored eyes drawn to them like a moth to a flame…
It was actually like staring into a flame, Shinji reckoned later on. It was like knowing it would soon scorch your corneas and make you blind and yet you couldn’t seem to look away. Yes, it was the feeling of knowing that it would be worth it to go blind, just to look into those onyx pools…
Dumbfound until the boy came over and stood before him to address him directly, Shinji had seemed to sit paralyzed by his beauty and the enticingly strange vibe he seemed to give off.
The other boys, however, didn’t seem to feel as ensnared as Shinji did…
“They tell me you’re the one to play if I want to join this club.” the beautiful boy said with the willful audacity of a child and he smiled a blinding smile at Shinji who quickly pulled himself together as he felt all eyes land on him questioningly at the unexpected request.
He coughed awkwardly as he straightened up in his chair.
“Yes, that’s me,” he replied though it hadn’t really been a question as much as a statement and he eyed the boy curiously.
“Where’re you from?”
“Far away.” was the answer, dismissive and yet engaging, and Shinji found himself nodding as if that answered his question to perfection. It didn’t…
“Will you play against me?” the younger boy asked in the next second, before Shinji could voice a new question even as his mind was swimming with them, and again he found himself nodding like an idiot. Luckily the other boys seemed to take it as cool indifference from his side rather than as the idiotically quickly forming crush it really was…
Hopefully he’d get time to get all his questions answered later…
Without question the boys crowding around Shinji drew away, one of them pulling up a chair for the outsider, and a small table was dragged to stand between them and one of the expensive glass chess boards was placed upon it accordingly.
Shinji felt his heart leap as their knees touched against each other’s beneath the table surface as they both moved closer to the board and the younger boy’s eyes met his in the same moment, a gleaming brightness shining in them that Shinji didn’t recognize.
It was almost as if this guy could read his mind and see right through him…
“I’m Akihito.” Akihito said softly as one of the boys scrambled back to find the missing chessmen and Shinji clearly noticed the slight difference in his dialect. He definitely was from far away because Shinji didn’t seem to recognize it… He probably wasn’t from the mainland then…
He wasn’t from China either though, because he spoke perfect Japanese… He was probably from somewhere within the Hokkaidō prefecture then. People from Kyūshū spoke audibly differently and he would have recognized the dialect. So… probably Hokkaidō…
“I’m Shinji.” Shinji replied without much thought and he smiled, half-amused, half-annoyed, when one of the boys of his pack quickly added his number of winnings to the end of his greeting to make him sound a little cooler and aloof. He moved his hand dismissively and the boy fell quiet though the admiration still shone off him in a way that made Shinji feel righteously good.
He noticed, however, the almost amused look on Akihito’s face at that little show and Shinji quickly put on a straight face. It shouldn’t bother him what this guy thought, but it did. Not in a bad way, though. No...
“Black or white?” Akihito asked softly when the chessmen were brought to them in a big wooden box lined with red felt and his hand lingered over the glass figures.
It seemed he didn’t care what color he got, what stand he took, but Shinji quickly proclaimed the white chessmen his. He always played white. Akihito took the black men without protest or hesitation, slowly lining them up appropriately on the board.
Shinji always played white because it gave him the edge he felt he had over any opponent of his even before they began playing the game – since white always starts in the game of chess, he got to start just as he got to finish the game when he inevitably won. It only seemed right to him.
The game unfolded quietly and speedily, one white chessman taking another black chessman with every move they each made on the board and, within less than five minutes, the game was over.
Shinji had won as predicted and he found, quite surprisingly though he didn’t know why he had thought otherwise, that the strange boy was an unbelievably unskilled chess player.
Akihito didn’t however, seem to take the loss with any less grace than he had played. He just sat there in the chair opposite him, smiling softly, his eyes calmly resting on Shinji as the boys around them cheered and patted him on the back and congratulated him on his anticipated win.
They didn’t pay Akihito any mind now.
“So, I guess I’m a member of the club now?”Akihito asked after a little while of letting Shinji enjoy the attention he was given in the wake of his triumph and he smiled cheekily when a few of the boys laughed at him for his audacity.
“But you didn’t win.” said one.
“Why would we let you join then?” said another.
Shinji looked at the boy curiously as he seemed unfaltering as he sat there, as proudly as if he had just won the game, legs delicately crossed beneath the table, slowly playing with the king he had tipped over to admit his defeat in one of his small hands.
It wasn’t exactly like any of them had ever beaten Shinji, they had just happened to already be in the club when he had joined less than six month ago. No one seemed to think about that, though, as they took joy in taunting the newcomer. Shinji didn’t either.
“Nobody said I had to win to join. I just had to play.” Akihito said when the boys’ laughing and slightly jeering snickers died down. A new sputter of laughter erupted though, at that comment, and now a few of the pats of approval were added to Akihito’s back instead of Shinji’s. It was for his childish bravery Shinji suspected and he couldn’t help but laugh too; this guy might be an exceptionally bad chess player but they could sure use his wits to liven up the party of the club…
And Shinji definitely wouldn’t mind getting to spend more time with him…
“I guess you’re a member of the club now, then.” Shinji agreed as coolly as he could though he couldn’t keep the grin off his lips, the joyous laughter still echoing in his body and he realized it had been forever since the last time he had laughed…
He watched as the other boys of the chess club started patting Akihito on the back, congratulating him, welcoming him, a few of the elder students even rustling a hand over his silky-looking hair. Shinji wished he could touch him too but he kept back. Something told him that once he touched the guy, he might not be able to stop again…
 
Back in the office Shinji pushed away from the window again, away from the depressing view of gray concrete and back to his desk and the laptop he had left standing there indignantly alone. His eyes moved to the clock on the wall. The black arm had moved five spaces, shaving away five minutes of the eight hours he had left on the clock and he groaned frustrated. This day was going to be absolute torture…

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Next Chapter

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Any Other World, chapter two

Chapter two
By the Old Basketball Court
 
Shinji laughed freely at yet another joke from the boy with the fast mouth and entertaining wits, his almond eyes dancing with joy as he leaned back against the old brick wall, the back wall of the back building of their high school. He shook his head softly.
“Have you ever even played chess before?” he laughed light-heartedly when Akihito shrugged at him with a devious smirk and placed himself against the wall besides him.
It definitely didn’t seem like it…
They had just left the crowd of the chess club, leaving their fellow members high and cheery to celebrate the winnings of no less than four of their members against Akihito.
Akihito hadn’t won once…
Just as he had done when he had played against Shinji a week ago, Akihito had seemed to take the beatings with good spirit and unbelievable grace. If Shinji had lost, even once, he would have been in a foul mood and he would have probably damned them all to heck and taken off…
Shinji wasn’t a very gracious loser, but it wasn’t something he thought about a lot because he mostly always won. What Shinji couldn’t win he wouldn’t play or set after. But Akihito just seemed to enjoy just being there, just playing, just sharing their company…
Shinji’s company…
Akihito didn’t seem like the kind of guy who would lose on purpose just to please his opponent either, though, so Shinji had to conclude, couldn’t see any other way around it, that this guy was indisputably a terrible chess player, just as his first impression had told him…
How could Akihito seem so unbothered by it?
It was most intriguing…
“Before I played you? No,” Akihito said with a light shrug of his slim shoulders and he bummed a cigarette when Shinji silently offered him one, taking it between his slender fingers, and he held it up to his plush lips as he waited for Shinji to stop fumbling and offer him a light too. Shinji always seemed to be fumbling around him…
Shinji felt his heart thumb in his ears and his face flare up hotly when Akihito looked right into his eyes…
“But I always watched my dad play, though. I watched him for hours and I sort of figured out the rules somewhere along the way. I never got to play with him, though, before he died that is.” Akihito added with an indifferent shrug of his slim shoulders though he felt anything but indifferent about it. It was just the way of things and he had learned to accept it. No need dwelling upon that which cannot be changed, a concept Shinji would never learn to understand.
Akihito’s eyes seemed to watch Shinji with soft amusement as the older student clumsily found his lighter in the depths of his jean pockets and was struggling to ignite it at the end of his cigarette as if it was Shinji’s first time ever using the expensive Zippo lighter he had ‘borrowed’ from his father.
“He’s dead?” Shinji asked somewhat mindlessly as Akihito’s hands touched his in the short moment it took for the younger boy to snatch the lighter from him and light it troublessly, something which would have made him feel like a complete idiot had he not been so consumed in the fact that their skin had touched so chastely. Akihito’s fingers were so warm…
“Mmm,” Akihito confirmed softly and nodded. His cigarette finally caught light and he sucked the poisonous smoke into his lungs, letting it infiltrate his bloodstream.
“Him and my mother, in a car crash about… seven years ago now. I used to live with my grandmother but she’s gotten too old and now me and my sisters live with my aunt.”
He looked into Shinji’s eyes with the same kind of enticing glint in those ebony pools which made Shinji stare at him like an idiot while the younger boy lit fire at the end of his cigarette too.
He even almost forgot to suck on it to make the fire catch on; he was just drowning in those depths of radiant onyx…   
Just drowning…
“My mum’s dead too.” Shinji supplied with a soft, manly cough as he pulled himself together, nodded as a thank you and took the lighter which Akihito held out for him now that they both had light. Again he felt something electrifying dance over his skin as their fingers touched…
It had definitely been a good idea not to touch Akihito in front of the others…
“Mmm, I’m sorry.” the younger boy replied as he leaned back against the hard stone wall and he blew the first small cloud of silver smoke from his lips, sighing delicately at the fuzzy warmth that spread lazily through his thin limbs.
Shinji hummed softly and his eyes scanned the scenery; the abandoned and long-forgotten basketball court which’s pavement was cracked and discolored, which’s one hoop was missing and which’s surrounding fence had been worn down by weather and years of neglect.
He had never taken any of the other boys out here to his little sanctuary, his little spot of seclusion where he drew his illicit smokes and spend the periods when he skipped classes – something which was known to happen a lot. He had never once thought he might enjoy their company more than he’d enjoy his own solitude…. But Akihito’s… - Shinji was ripped out of his busy mind when Akihito spoke again.
“Would you teach me?”the curious boy asked softly and again he turned to Shinji, burning right through him with those eyes of sparkling black, an earnest and trusting expression on his beautiful face.
Shinji heard himself agreeing before his mind had even registered what had been said. There wasn’t anything this guy couldn’t make him agree to…
It wasn’t actually such a crazy idea though, Shinji teaching him. It seemed quite logical, seeing as he was the best chess player in their midst, and yet logic had nothing to do with the ecstasy that leapt through him at this arrangement. More than anything else it was the prospect of getting to spend more time with the other boy. Two hours a week in chess club could just never be enough…
 
“Shinji?” the woman inquired again, her hand gently coming to rest on his bicep as she called his name a third time, her light brown eyes seeking down to look into his.
As had happened so many times over the last couple of weeks, he had seemed to get lost to his thoughts again. She was worried but kept it to herself as he had angrily dismissed her apprehensive inquiries the few times she had voiced them.
Instead she turned off the TV which had been sporting some late night game show and asked him to come to bed with her.
Shinji pushed out of his worn armchair and stretched lightly. The warm and fuzzy happiness he had felt inside as he had relived what had happened so many years ago seemed to seep out of him within a second, leaving him as cold and hollow as he had felt since the day he had left his childhood home and had gone off to marry the daughter of his father’s business companion.

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Previous Chapter

Next Chapter

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Any Other World, chapter three

Chapter three
On a Starry Night Outside of Tōkyō
 
Shinji had initially been on his way home from the office. It was near midnight and he reckoned he had put in enough work for the day when something had come over him.
It had been a snap decision from out of nowhere and instead of driving home he had taken a turn somewhere and driven on, through the huge and busy roads of midtown Tōkyō.
On and on until he reached smaller roads, then further on until he actually came near woods and green areas which, as clear as any sign, told him that he had now left the big city and was well on the way towards the country side, towards one of the smaller towns surrounding the capital.
Instead of entering the town ahead, however, he pulled in at one of the small rest stops along the way. No other cars were there.
He sat in the dead silence of the night as he turned off the car engine and let the darkness and the quiet embrace him like a much needed hug of absolute solace. It might just be the first time in, wow, eight years that he had been alone like that…
Truly alone…
 
It had been a starry night, just as the one that surrounded him right then outside the silenced car, though only late spring and not winter.
Akihito had snug out of his home late in the afternoon and had come to meet him by the old basketball court as he had done so many times before. Where Akihito’s elderly aunt was extremely authoritarian with the kids who were not her own, Shinji’s father was less strict when it came to rules concerning him. As long as Shinji came home to sleep at night, the golden boy could freely roam about and do pretty much whatever pleased him. It wasn’t like Shinji would ever possibly cause any trouble, that much his father was sure of.
If only he had known…
Maybe then the mess could have been avoided…
“I’m sorry I’m late,” Akihito laughed slightly out of breath as he dumped himself down on the grass besides Shinji, his heavy rucksack making a dull thud as it collided with the hard ground. He flashed a pearly smile at Shinji who just shook his head at him goodheartedly. He understood, after all.
“She’s been on my case ever since I flunked my midterm in Math, my aunt.” the boy explained on with a juvenile happiness as Shinji pulled the fold-out cardboard chess board out of the rucksack and placed it on the free space between them. The grass had just broken through the frozen winter earth and it was soft and brightly vivid even though it wasn’t yet fully grown and provided less than soft seating on the harsh ground.  
Even though it was leaning towards night time and the stars were already out, summer was about to break and the night was clear as day. It would be no trouble to play even though they had no lights. They more often than not just ended up talking instead of playing anyway…
Shinji doubted he had really taught Akihito anything about chess these last couple of months of supposed tutoring…
Akihito didn’t seem to mind though…
“You really should focus more on your studies.” Shinji said by force of habit, playing his role of senior student and mentor in a way that would make any teacher proud and beaming, and he smiled slightly when Akihito just laughed and smirked at him. He wasn’t academic-minded, that was always his answer to any such preaching. Shinji had heard it many times and by now he had to agree - the evidence was overwhelming. Akihito was bad at chess and bad at Math. It seemingly couldn’t be helped…
“Your sister gave me another letter today.” the younger boy noted randomly as he settled on watching Shinji line the small wooden chessmen up on the cheap board, apparently not feeling inclined to help him so they could actually get on to playing.
Shinji kept his eyes averted to the board as he felt a keen sting of something, jealousy most likely, at that notion.
It wasn’t supposed to feel like this….
“Are you going to answer this one then?” he asked, just able to keep the bitter tone out of his mellow voice, and he peered up at Akihito and into his calm, ebony eyes.
His baby sister had seemed to take a liking to the beautiful boy, had even confessed so to Shinji himself when she had learned of their friendship and thought she could benefit from it, and it bothered him immensely. She had no right!
They even attended the same class…
“No, I don’t think so.” Akihito answered shortly, with a light shrug of his slim shoulders, and he drew his legs up, wrapping his thin arms around them as he looked up at the blue sky, watching the twinkling stars which would soon be invisible when the summer came fully upon them.
He offered no explanation as to why not and Shinji didn’t really need one either. His heart leapt and he only just managed to keep down the happy grin which threatened to break unto his plump lips.
Shinji knew his sister’s crush would soon die out if her attention wasn’t returned. He just had to wait and hope Akihito wouldn’t change his mind before that happened…
After that… he just had to hope Akihito wouldn’t take a liking to any of the other girls whom Shinji knew would soon discover him…
A guy like him couldn’t stay hidden forever…
Akihito probably got more love letters than the ones he told Shinji about… Soon someone was bound to steal him away… What would Shinji do then?
How many girls could he get away with killing before he would be caught?
… Would Akihito visit him in jail?
Shinji watched the younger boy sit there, arms folded around his jeans-clad knees, his head tilted back as he watched the evening sky. He seemed so at peace and so youthful, so unaware of Shinji’s murderous thoughts and indecent longings towards him…
His ears were so huge…
“Is there any girl you like then?”
It ripped out of him before Shinji could stop it and for a moment he feared his thoughts had been too obvious in his voice. It didn’t help either, that Akihito cocked his head down instantly and looked at him with the most curious expression on his beautiful face…
Shinji gulped inaudibly.
“Any girl… I like?” Akihito asked with a slight grin on his plush lips and Shinji noticed how he seemed almost confused at the question. Then he shook his head wildly, making his bangs slide across his eyes.
“Shinji… I’m… gay… I kind of thought you knew that…?” Akihito added after a little while of looking at Shinji, into his eyes, almost nervously though his voice portrayed no such feeling. He didn’t seem to be afraid of Shinji’s reaction either, more confused as to why that vital fact had seemed to escape the older boy sitting across from him on the baby grass…
Akihito shrugged lightly to that effect. Later he would confess to Shinji that he had known instinctively that Shinji wouldn’t, as so many other Japanese boys would, have a problem with his homosexuality. Why, he hadn’t really known though…
“You… You are?” Shinji exclaimed without much thought, in a voice so shrill it all too embarrassingly portrayed his utter surprise. He definitely hadn’t seen that coming…
Or… maybe he had?
… Maybe that was why he craved the younger boy’s company to the extent where he’d be willing to slaughter just to have him all to himself…?
“How… How do you know if you’re gay?” was the next embarrassing thing which ripped from him and Shinji kicked himself inwardly at how immensely naive he sounded in his juvenile ignorance.
Still, the question was there, as it had been since he had first learned that people sometimes happened to like people of the same sex. Homosexuality… Shinji had never even seen two people of the same sex kiss…
Akihito laughed. It was a soft and sweet laughter and Shinji took no offence even though it was obviously at his account. He couldn’t when the sound and sight of it were that beautiful… He laughed too himself, without really knowing why, his eyes glued to the younger boy’s huge overbite which was anything but repellent to him.
“I guess you have to… Mmm…” Akihito trailed off as he pouted his curvy lips, making a cute, thoughtful facial expression, and Shinji’s heart toppled over in his chest and made him feel almost nauseated when the younger boy pushed up to sit on his knees on the grass and moved a little closer in towards him.
The chess board so neatly lined up seemed completely forgotten by both of them by then as it lay abandoned between them.
Right then Shinji couldn’t even remember the rules of chess…
How he found the courage Shinji would never know, but in the next second Akihito leaned in close to him and caught his lips in a chaste, tentative kiss. It was so soft, so –
Unconsciously Shinji’s arms moved to wrap around Akihito’s middle section as the kiss unfolded, possessively in its dominance and roughness, and he pushed forth against him, pushed against his plush lips, deepening the contact between them to such a degree that he was sure they’d melt together and into one if they kept going…
When Akihito gasped at the tight grip around his slender waist Shinji instinctively pushed his pink tongue against the joint of their lips, prodding for entrance to the other boy’s mouth. As soon as it was granted Shinji pushed inside and a soft jolt shot through him, invisible to anyone watching, when their tongues met in a slow, sweet dance that made his heart topple inside his chest.
“I’d say,” Akihito whispered breathlessly as they finally drew apart, his one knee now supporting upon the board which’s chessmen had fallen and rolled unto the grass as the abrupt movement, his hands resting upon Shinji’s shoulders for support. “That you’re most certainly as gay as I am.” he continued with a slight smile as their lips were but a heartbeat’s space away from each other’s, their faces so close they both looked like a beautiful blur to the other.
Shinji laughed, freely and loudly, as he didn’t know what else to do. He didn’t know what to feel or how to react, all he knew was that he was so happy his heart was threatening to bubble out of him and that he didn’t want to let go of Akihito again anytime soon…
So, instead he just laughed and pulled the younger boy further forth against him, tipping back to lie in the newly born grass, Akihito lying on top of him as he chuckled himself breathless.
This definitely couldn’t be wrong…
“Does that make you my… boyfriend… then?” Shinji asked after laughing on for a good long while, so long it felt like his lungs were going to explode and his cheeks had gone into a cramp, the foolish smile on lips probably frozen there forever.
He didn’t care if it had though. He finally felt happy for what might be the first time in his life…
Akihito laughed at that comment. “If you ask me to be, I am.” he answered with a wry smirk as he got comfortable upon Shinji’s bigger body, seemingly happy he was shielded from the hard ground and not caring that Shinji’s back was being spiked with hard rocks and gravel and whatnot as he weighed down against him.
For once, it seemed, Akihito was the wiser, the more experienced one of the two. And for once… Shinji didn’t mind…
“I guess… I’m asking you to be, then.” Shinji chuckled softly and he smiled slightly up at the beautiful boy, almost nervously. It would never be that simple though…
As they looked into each other’s eyes then, an understanding seemed to be arranged silently. It would have to be a secret, no one could know. No one was openly homosexual at their school and Shinji knew, even if it had never been said out loud by anyone, that no such thing would be tolerated either…
Japanese people weren’t gay.
They just weren’t.
“Then I guess I’m your boyfriend, Shinji… Shin…” Akihito whispered after a little while of letting Shinji drown in his sea-deep eyes and he leaned down, again taking the first step, initiating yet another kiss between them.
This time Shinji was more prepared though and, as he returned the kiss with fervor, he loosened his embrace around the younger man’s waist and drew his hands down to the hem of Akihito’s sweatshirt and pushed them under, chilled hands seeking warm skin as Shinji, for the first time ever, touched another boy in the way he had always wanted to.
His fingertips danced upwards, exploring, memorizing, and they stopped as they each reached a painfully erect nipple and Shinji massaged them with his fingertips just as he liked to do to himself when he masturbated.
A rewarding moan against his tongue was enough to encourage him and he kept on, touching, teasing, all while their lips stayed connected, their tongues dancing lazily around each other’s –
 
Back in the car Shinji threw his head back against the car seat and groaned at the sullied images flowing before his closed eyelids, filling him up in the darkness.
By now his pants were so painfully tight he felt he had to free himself or he might just burst them, might just ruin his handmade Italian suit. That wouldn’t do…
Unbuttoning the pants and unzipping the zipper went surprisingly easy, pushing his pants and underwear down just enough to free himself while he was still sitting locked in the driver’s seat of his company car was another story entirely.
Once he finally managed to wriggle the clothes down and free his own straining cock to the thick, heavy air of the confinements of the small car, Shinji threw his head back against the seat again, closed his eyes and went back to the spring night on the grass by the older basketball court, back to when he had first touched Akihito.
He had smelled so good, tasted so good, felt so right beneath his fingertips…
Shinji moaned heatedly and writhed in his seat as he started drawing one hand up and down his own rigid cock in slow motions, stroking himself skillfully, his thumb ever so often moving up to smear at the head where thick precum soon erupted and added extra softness and slickness to his touch.
His moans, so deep, so unashamed, had been the most arousing thing he had ever heard…
Shinji sped up, grasping more firmly around the veiny flesh, flicking his thumb more harshly over the velvety head as he recalled the sounds in his mind, as he recalled how Akihito had moaned his name there beneath the stars, on the hard ground, how he had whined when Shinji had bit down on his neck and rightfully marked him as his -
And then it was over. Just like that Shinji toppled forwards; gasping like a fish on dry land as white seeds spurted from the slit at the head of his cock and unto his hand and unto the shirt and pants of the Italian suit his wife had gotten him for Christmas.

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